Who Are Crooks?
A newspaper once carried an editorial which stated bluntly that half the city council were crooks. Under penalty of arrest, the editor issued following retraction: "HALF THE CITY COUNCIL AREN'T CROOKS."
谁是骗子？
一次，一份报纸刊登了一篇社论，直接指出市议会里有一半人是骗子。在被罚以拘留后，编辑发表了以下声明：“市议会里有一半人不是骗子。”
A New Employee
Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office.
"What is the meaning of this?" the director asked. "When you applied for the job, you told us you had five years' experience. Now we discover this is the first job you ever held."
"Well," the young man said, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination."
新员工
一个年轻人在被雇用几个星期后，被叫到人事经理的办公室。
“这是什么意思？”经理问，“当你申请这份工作时，你告诉我们有五年工作经验，现在我们发现这其实是你的第一份工作。”
“嗯，”年轻人回答，“你们的广告上说需要找一个有想象力的人嘛。”
Churchill and Bernard Shaw
Winston Churchill was Prime Minister of Great Britain during World War II. He was a fat and short man. George Bernard Shaw was a famous writer. He was tall and lean. Both of them were humorists.
When they met at a reception, Churchill said to Shaw with a smile, "Mr. Shaw, when people see you, they must think there is a famine in our country." "Yes," said Bernard Shaw, "but they must think you are responsible for it."
丘吉尔和肖伯纳
丘吉尔是二战期间英国的首相，他是个又矮又胖的男人。肖伯纳是著名作家，又高又瘦。他们俩都是幽默诙谐的人。
一次，他们在一个招待会上碰面了。丘吉尔微笑着对肖伯纳说：“肖伯纳先生，人们看到您，一定以为我们国家正在闹饥荒。”“对，”肖伯纳回答：“但他们一定认为这是您造成的。”
Who's better satisfied?
Who's better satisfied? A person with six children or a person with $6 million? Why?
The person with six children of course. Because the one with $6 million wants more.
谁更满足？
一个有六个孩子的人和一个有600万美元的人，谁更满足？为什么？
当然是有六个孩子的那个，因为有600万美元那个还想要得更多。
To Give Up the Seat
Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
"Well, you've done the right thing," says Mommy
"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
让座
小约翰告诉妈妈：“早上我和爸爸坐公车时，他让我给一位女士让座。”
“好，你做得对。”妈妈说。
“但是，妈妈，我那时正坐在爸爸的大腿上。”
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Saving Lives
At a pre-med university in St. Louis, we had to take a difficult class in physics. One day the professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"
"To save lives." The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted. "It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school," replied the professor.
救人
在圣路易斯的一所医学院预科大学，学生必须修一门很难的物理课。一天，教授正在探讨一个特别复杂的概念，一个学生粗鲁地打断他的话，问道：“为什么我们一定要学这种东西？”
“为了救人。”教授很快回答，继续讲课。几分钟后，那个学生再次大声坚持：“那么物理怎么救人呢？”教授回答：“它通常可以把你这种笨蛋赶出医学院。”
Big Hands
Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
Student: Big hands.
大手
老师：如果我左手有7个橙子，右手有8个橙子，那么我有什么？
学生：一双大手。
What soldiers?
Wife: Dear! Take a look at those soldiers gawking at the lovely young girl passing by.
Husband: Soldiers? What soldiers?
什么士兵？
妻子：亲爱的！快看那些士兵，他们看经过的那位漂亮女郎都看得发呆了。
丈夫：士兵？什么士兵？
Five Hundred Times
In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes. A wild gleam came into the judge's eye. "You are a school teacher, eh?" said he. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down
at that table and write 'I went through a red light' five hundred times."
五百遍
在中西部一个大城市的交通法庭里，一位年轻女士被带到法官面前，她由于开车闯红灯被开了罚单。女士向法官解释，她是一名学校老师，请求法官马上处理她的案子，以便可以赶回去上课。法官眼中闪过一丝狡黠，说道：“你是学校的老师，对吗？女士，我马上要实现今生的愿望了。在那张桌子旁坐下，写‘我开车闯了红灯’500遍。”
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