趣味英语：生日快乐_趣味英语

A Birthday Present
Helen: Mum, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday?
Mum: No, dear, what is it?
Helen: A nice teapot.
Mum: But I've got a nice teapot.
Helen: No, you haven't. I've just dropped it!
生日礼物
海伦：妈妈，你知道你过生日我会送你什么礼物吗？
妈妈：亲爱的，我猜不出，是什么东西？
海伦：一个很漂亮的茶壶。
妈妈：可我有一个很好的茶壶了。
海伦：不，你没有。我刚把它掉地上摔了。

入学考试
   In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, the teacher asked one of the boys, 'What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?"
   "To be deaf," replied the boy.
   "Nonsense!" said the teacher angrily.
   "Why, sir! don't you have know that the most famous musician Beethoven was deaf?" the boy asked in reply disdainfully.
   在一次音乐学院的入学考试中，老师问一位应试的小伙子：“音乐家最重要的生理素质是什么？”
“耳聋。”小伙子答道。
“胡说！”老师恼怒地说。
“怎么啦，先生！您难道连大名鼎鼎的音乐家贝多芬是个聋子都不知道？”小伙子轻蔑地反问道。

Good Intentions
One day a boy came to his teacher and said:" Teacher, pa wants to know if you like roast pig."
"I certainly do," said the teacher, "and you tell your father he is very kind to think of me."
Days passed, and nothing more was said about the roast pig.
Finally the teacher said to the boy:"I thought your father was going to send me over some roast pig."
"Yes," said the boy, "he did intend to, but the pig sot well."
良好的心愿
一天有个男孩去对他老师说：“老师，我爸想知道你是不是爱吃烤猪肉。”
“当然罗，”老师说，“去告诉你父亲，多谢他想着我。”
好几天过去了，再没提起烤猪肉的事儿。
最后老师对男孩说：“我以为你父亲要给我送点烤猪肉来呢。”
“是啊，”孩子说，“他是这么想的，可后来猪又没病了。”

Wonder They Put Her Out
Jenny, (looking at the crying new baby): Has she just come from heaven?
Mother: Yes.
Jenny: Well, it's no wonder they put her out.
肯定是他们把她赶出来的
（看着不断哭着的刚出生的婴儿）詹妮问：她是刚从天堂里来吗？
妈妈：是的。
詹妮：嗯，那不用问肯定是他们把她赶出来的。

The Professor's Lunch
   An absent-minded professor was lecturing on anatomy.
   "To show you more clearly what I mean. I have here a parcel with a dissected frog. I want you to examine it very carefully."
   The professor unwrapped the parcel and saw that it contained two sandwiches and a hardboiled egg. Astonished, the professor said:" I was sure I had eaten my lunch, but where is the frog?"
教授的午餐
   一位心不在焉的教授正在讲解剖学。“为了让你们更明白我的意思，我这里有一个小包，里面装着一只解剖了的青蛙，我要你们仔细的观察。”
   教授打开小包，看见里边包着两块三明治和一个煮老的鸡蛋。教授惊讶地说：“我肯定是吃过午餐的，可青蛙到哪儿去了？”。 www.qpx6.com

狗比老婆好的几个理由
1. Dogs don't cry.
2. Dogs love it when your friends come over.
3. Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.
4. Dogs think you sing great.
5. A dog's time in the bathroom is limited to a quick drink.
6. Dogs don't expect you to call them when you're running late.
7. The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.
8. Dogs will forgive（原谅）you for playing with other dogs.
9. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
10. Dogs are excited by rough play.
11. Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
12. Dogs understand that farts are funny.
13. Dogs can appreciate excess body hair.
14. Anyone can get a good looking dog.
15. If a dog is gorgeous（华丽的）, other dogs don't hate it.
16. Dogs don't shop.
17. Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
18. A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
19. Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
20. A dog's parents never come to visit.
21. Dogs love long car trips.
22. Dogs understand that instincts（本能、直觉） are better than asking for directions.
23. When a dog gets old and starts to snap（猛咬）at you incessantly, you can shoot it.
24. Dogs like beer.
25. Dogs don't hate their bodies.
26. No dog ever bought a Kenny G. album.
27. No dog ever put on a hundred pounds after reaching adulthood.
28. Dogs never criticize（吹毛求疵）.
29. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
30. Dogs never expect gifts.
31. It’s legal to keep a dog chained up at your house.
32. Dogs don't worry about germs(细菌、病菌).
33. Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you have ever had.
34. Dogs like to do their snooping outside, as opposed to your wallet, desk or sock drawer.
35. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their life.
36. Dogs would rather you buy them a hamburger than a lobster（龙虾）dinner.
37. You never have to wait for a dog, they're ready 24 hours a day.
38. Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.
39. Dogs don't borrow your shirts.
40. Dogs never want a foot rub.
41. Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
42. Dogs find it amusing when you are drunk.
43. Dogs can't talk.
44. Dogs aren't catty(恶毒的、阴险的、坏心眼的).
45. Dogs seldom outlive you. www.qpx6.com

Father's John Hancock
Teacher: Tom, you haven't shown your parents the examination papers, have you?
Tom: Yes, I have, sir.
Teacher: But I can't find your father's John Hancock on the papers at all.
Tom: Here, sir. (showing his whipped arms to the teacher.)
父亲的亲笔签名
老师：汤姆，你没把你的考卷给你的父母看，是吗?
汤姆：不，老师，我给看了。
老师：可是我在上面根本没找着你父亲的亲笔签名啊。
汤姆：在这里老师。（汤姆向老师露出手臂上的鞭伤）

The Reason of Being Late
Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?
Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go Slow'.
迟到的原因
老师：约翰尼，为什么你每天早晨都迟到？
约翰尼：每当我经过学校附近的拐角处，就见路牌上写着‘学校－缓行’。

The Same Mother
Billy and his brother Davy were in the same class. The teacher assigned them to write a composition "My Mother". Davy wrote one and Billy just copied it.
On the next day the teacher asked Billy, "How is it that your composition is exactly the same with

Davy's?"
   "we have the same mother, don't we?" replied Billy.
同一个妈妈
   比利和他的哥哥大卫在同一个班里上学，一天老师布置他们写一篇作文，题目是“我的妈妈”。大卫写好后比利拿去抄了一遍。
   第二天老师问比利：“为什么你的作文和大卫的一模一样？”
   比利回答说：“我们妈妈是同一个人，不是吗？”，趣味英语：生日快乐