趣味英语：英语幽默笑话（二）

Not "How" but "Why"

Critic: "By George, old chap, when I look at one of your paintings I stand and wonder---"
Artist: "How I do it?"
Critic: "No, why you do it?"

Notes

1.By George: 确实，的确。表示惊奇或感叹。
2. old chap: 老兄。

Drunk
   Six men who were feeling no pain were staggering down the street about one o'clock in the morning. Laughing and singing loudly, they walked up to a two-story home. One of them managed to make it to the door and pounded on the doorbell insistently. A light came on in an upstairs window.
   The spokesman for the group yelled up,
   " Is this where Mr. John Smith lives?"
   "Yes, it is. What do you want?"
   " Are you Mrs. Smith?"
   " I am. What do you want?"
   "Could you come down here and pick out Mr.Smith so the rest of us can go home?"

Notes
1. stagger: 踉踉跄跄地走
2. insistently: 持续不断地
3. spokesman: 发言人；代言人

The Signs
   Jones: " Why do you have such misspelled words and bad grammar on the signs in your windows?"
   Storekeeper: " So people will think I'm a fool and come in expecting to get the best of me. Thanks to those signs, business is the best I've had in years.

Notes
1. sign：招牌，广告（牌）。
2. misspelled words：拼错的字。
3. in your window：在你的橱窗里。
4. to get the best of ：得便宜。

Copyright ? 2001 TOM.COM LIMITED.   All rights reserved.
   What Is Your Name?
   "Who's calling?" was the answer to the telephone.
   "Watt."
   "What is your name, please?"
   "Watt's my name."
   "That's what I asked you. What's your name?"
   A long pause, and then, from Watt ,"Is this James Brown?"
   "No, this is Knott."
   "Please tell me your name."
   "Will Knott."
   Whereupon they both hung up. www.qpx6.com

Notes
1. Who's calling? 你是谁？（打电话用语）
2. watt's my name.我叫瓦特。对方理解为：What's my name?
3. a long pause: 停了很长时间。
4. No, this is Knott. 不，我是诺特。对方理解为；No, this is not （James Brown）.
5. Will Knott.是诺特。联对方理解为：（I）will not (tell you my name).
6. Whereupon they both hung up. 于是双方都挂断了电话。

Here's One of My Best Pictures
   Artist: "How, here's a picture -one of my best, too -I've just finished. When I started out I had no idea what it was going to be."
   Friend: "After you got through, how did you find out what it was ?"
   Killing Two Birds with One Stone
   "Doctor, I am sorry to drag you so far out in the country on such bad night."
   "Oh, it's all right because I have another patient near here so I can kill two birds with one stone."

Notes:
Killing two birds with one stone.
一石二鸟（一举两得）
写文章，讲话都应当考虑时间，地点和对象。此处医生对病人用了这一谚语，真令人啼笑皆非。

The Matter to Worry about
   First Doctor: "You have cured your patient. What is there to worry about now?"
   Younger Ditto: "I don't know which of the medicines cured him."

Notes
1. What is there to worry about now? 现在还有什么伤神的事情呢？
2. ditto ；同上，这里指医生。

I Don't Bother
   "You don't seem to realize on which side your bread is buttered."
   "What does it matter? I eat both sides!"
Notes:
Realize on which side one's bread is buttered： 明白自己的利益所在。这是句谚语。
to butter在…上涂黄油。 www.qpx6.com

A Salesman
   A salesman walked into the factory and demanded an interview with the manager.
   "Look here, sir," he began, energetically, "I'd like to talk to your men and sell them my correspondence course on how to put fire and sparkle into their work."
   The manager turned pale.
   "Get out of here," he roared. "Get out, you idiot-this is a dynamite factory!"

Notes
1. to demand an interview with: 要求与…面谈。
2. energetically 精神饱满地，精力旺盛地。
3. correspondence course:函授课程。
4. put fire and sparkle into their work：充满活力与激情地工作。fire: 火；激情。sparkle 火花；生气，活力
5. to turn pale:脸色变白。
6. Get out of here.从这儿滚出去！
7. idiot：白痴。
8. dynamite ：炸药。，趣味英语：英语幽默笑话（二）