JOKE 1
Ali,who was working a long way from home,wanted to send a letter to his wife ,but he could neither read nor write,and he had to work all day,so he could only look for somebody to write his letter late at night. At last he found the house of a letter-writer whose name was Nasreddin.
Nasreddin was already in bed. 'It is late,' he said. 'What do you want?' 'I want you to write a letter to my wife,' said Ali. Nasreddin was not pleased. He thought for a few seconds and then said, 'Has the letter got to go far?'
'What does that matter?' answered Ali.
'Well, my writing is so strange that only I can read it , and if I have to travel a long way to read your letter to your wife , it will cost you a lot of money.'
Ali went away quickly.
JOKE 2
An old man died and left his son a lot of money.But the son was a foolish young man, and he quickly spent all the money, so that soon he had nothing left. Of course,when that happened,all his friends left him. When he was quite poor and alone, he went to see Nasreddin, who was a kind, clever old man and often helped people when they had troubles.
'My money has finished and my friends have gone,' said the young man. 'What will happen to me now?'
'Don't worry, young man,' answered Nasreddn. 'Everything will soon be all right again. Wait, and you will soon feel much happier.'
The young man was very glad. 'Am I going to get rich again then?' he asked Nasreddin.
'No, I didn't mean that,' said the old man. 'I meant that you would soon get used to being poor and to having no friends.'
JOKE 3
A sign outside a barber's shop said:COME IN TOMORROW FOR A FREE HAIRCUT.
Fred saw it, and went back the next day and asked for his
free haircut. "'Can't you read?" said the barber. "It says come
back-tomorrow!"
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JOKE 4
A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender
"Do you serve lawyers here?"
"Sure do," replied the bartender. "Good," said the customer,
"Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my gator.
JOKE 5
1.THE mayor had officially opened the one-man art show and was browsing along the paintings when he stopped with a start in front of a picture of a woman reclining nude on a couch.
"That's my wife," he cried." You scoundrel. You have had my wife up here posing nude in your studio."
The artist, a little terrified, said it wasn't the case at all." I painted it from memory," he said.
注释：
1.one-man art show 个人画展
2. browsing along 随意观看
3. reclining nude on a couch 裸体躺在睡椅上
4. scoundrel 坏蛋，恶棍
JOKE 6
"DID you sell any of your paintings at the art show?"
"No, but I am encouraged," he replied. "Somebody stole one."
JOKE 7
一个外国商人到中国拜会同业，中国企业家携太太宴请对方。相见之下，外国人客套地赞美说尊夫人真漂亮，中国商人就客套地说“哪里哪里”，于是就闹出些麻烦来，不知从哪里请来的宝贝译员，把“哪里哪里”译成“where,where”（“哪里漂亮”），老外不知是错，忙说“everywhere”，翻译就译成“每个地方都漂亮”（此译偏又是准确的），中国商人就说，“你看不见（每个地方）”，老外很惭愧，说“I see,I see”（我明白，我明白），又给翻译成“我看见了，我看见了。”如今我们的办公室里，谁要是受到夸奖就会来句“where,where”，人人心领神会。看来蹩脚的翻译也不是一点儿贡献也没有。
JOKE 8
Two rich ladies were sharing a taxi and talking about the high cost of going anywhere by taxi.
One of the ladies said, 'Taxis are terribly expensive these days. The owners get a lot of money for nothing.'
'Yes,' said the other lady, 'and the drivers get such big tips that they soon become rich. They ought to be ashamed of themselves.'
One of the ladies was smoking a cigarette. After a minute or two she said to the other lady, 'Can you see an ashtray in this taxi? There isn't one on my side.'
'No,' said the other, 'there isn't one on this side either. Driver! Where is the ashtray in this taxi? Why haven't you got one?'
The driver, Who had heard everything the ladies had said, answered, 'Oh, just drop the ashes on the carpet--I have a servant who comes in and cleans three days in the week!
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JOKE 9
Nasreddin put two big baskets of grapes on his donkey and went to market. At midday it was very hot, so he stopped in the shade of a big tree. There were several other men there, and all of them had donkeys and baskets of grapes too. After their lunch they went to sleep. After some time, Nasreddin began to take grapes out of the other men's baskets and to put them in his.
Suddenly one of the men woke up and saw him. 'What are you doing?' he said angrily.
'Oh,' said Nasreddin, 'don't worry about me. I am half mad, and I do a lot of strange things.'
'Oh,really?' said the other man. 'Then why don't you sometimes take grapes out of your baskets and put them in somebody else's baskets?'
'You did not understand me,' said Nasreddin. 'I said that I was half mad, not quite mad.'
JOKE 10
Nasreddin was cutting a branch of a tree in his garden. While he was sawing, another man passed in the street. He stopped and said, 'Excuse me, but if you continue to saw that branch like that, you will fall down with it.' He said this because Nasreddin was sitting on the branch and cutting it at a place between himself and the trunk of the tree.
Nasreddin said nothing. He thought, 'This is some foolish person who has no work to do and goes about telling other people what to do and what not to do.'
The man continued on his way.
Of course, after a few minutes, the branch fell and Nasreddin fell with it.
'My God!' he cried. 'That man knows the future!' and he ran after him to ask how long he was going to live. But the man had gone.
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JOKE 11
It was half-past eight in the morning. The telephone bell rang and Mary went to answer it.
'Hullo, who's that:' she asked.
'It's me--Peter.'
Peter was a friend of Mary's eight-year-old brother, Johnny.
'Oh, hullo, Peter. What do you want?' said Mary.
'Can I speak to Johnny?'
'No,' said Mary, 'you can't speak to him now. He is busy. He is getting ready for school. He is eating his breakfast. Grandmother is combing his hair. Sister is under the table, putting his shoes on. Mother is getting his books and putting them in his school bag. Goodbye, I've got to go now. I have to hold the door open. The school bus is coming.'
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