The water was getting dangerously deep by now so the helicopter came back and, on cue, the man repeated, "I don't need saving! My Lord will come." Reluctantly, the helicopter left.
The rain continued to pour, the water continued to rise and the man drowned.
At the gates of heaven, the man met St. Peter. Confused, he asked, "Peter, I have lived the life of a faithful man - why did my Lord not rescue me?"
St. Peter replied, "For pity sake! He sent you two helicopters and a boat!"
25.The Composition Class
The student in the composition class were assigned the task of writing an essay on "the most beautiful thing I ever saw." The student who, of all the members of the class, seemed the least sensitive to beauty, handed in his paper first with astonishing speed. It was short and to the point. He had written:
"The most beautiful thing I ever saw was too beautiful for words."
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26.An Abstract Noun
Teacher: What's an abstract noun, Jane?
Jane: I don't know, madam.
Teacher: What, you don't know! Well. It's the name of a thing which you can think of but cannot touch. Now, give me an example.
Jane: A red-hot poker, madam.
27.The professor's Lunch
An absent-minded professor was lecturing on anatomy.
"To show you more clearly what I mean, I have here a parcel with a dissected frog. I want you to examine it very carefully."
The professor unwrapped the parcel and saw that it contained two sandwiches and a hardboiled egg. Astonished, the professor said:" I was sure I had eaten my lunch, but where is the frog?"
28.I Am My Father
One day little Tom didn't want to go to school and telephoned the teacher pretended to be his father and said," Hello. Is that the teacher speaking? My little Tom caught cold today and he can't go to school. He asked me to ask you for a day's leave."
The teacher at the other end of the telephone asked," Who is that speaking?"
"It's my father, sir." answered Tom.
29.Two Cows
Teacher: Tommy, name five things that contain milk.
Tommy: Butter and cheese, ice-cream and two cows.
30.Nouns
Teacher: A noun is the name of a person or thing. Now, who can give me a noun?
First boy: A cow.
Teacher: Very good. Another noun?
Second boy: Another cow.
He know the Answer
Teacher: Can you tell me anything about the great scientists of the 18th century?
Pupil: Yes,Sir, I can. They are all dead.
31.An Essential Correction
Teacher: Walter, why don't you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning. www.qpx6.com
Walter: What was it?
Teacher: Egg.
Walter: Wrong, teacher. That was yesterday.
32.An Absolute Zero
Student: I don't think I deserve an absolute zero.
Professor: Nether do I, but it is the lowest mark that I am allowed to give.
33.Overcrowded Moon
A geography teacher once told her class," The moon is so large that several million people cold live there."
One boy stated laughing," It sure must get crowded when it's a crescent moon."
34.I'll Wait for You Here
When a boy living next door was kidnapped,Bess was advising her four-year-old daughter,"Remember,never go away with a stranger if he said he will take you to some interesting lace."
"No,I won't,Mom,"the girl assured her mother.
"Then,what you say if a stranger says that he will take you to buy something delicious?"the mother asked again.
"I'll say,'I'll wait for you here."
35.Innocent and Guilty
Bill was a pupil.His father was a detective.One day when someone asked him if he wanted to be a detective when he grow up,he said,
"No,I want to be a lawyer.My father earns money by trying to guilty people among those who seem innocent,but I want to earn more money by trying to find people innocent among those who seem guilty."
36.The Author And The Book-Seller
One day a book-seller went to visited a famous writer and complimented him on the popular novel he had published recently.
"What a remarkable novel you've written,"the book-seller said."You know,it took me only two weeks to sell the books at a profit of 200,000 yuan."
"What a remarkable benefit you've made,"the author said."You know,it took me twenty years to finished the book at a profit of 20,00 0yuan." www.qpx6.com
37.You Should Be Replaced
A famous film director entered a restaurant.After the meal,the owner asked him for advice.
"If I change some of my cooks and their dishes still can't attract costumers,what shall I do?"
The director thought for a monument and replied,
"In our film studio,if we continue to lose audience with the changes of some actors,the director will get replaced."
38.Bring Me the Winner
Once,a fellow went into a restaurant and ordered a two-pound lobster."Waiter,"he said when his meal was placed before him,"this lobster has only one claw."
"I am sorry,sir,"the waiter replied."But sometimes the lobsters fight in the tank."
"In that case,"the diner said,"Bring me the winner."
39.He Needs Treatment Again
As a doctor is examining a patient,his nurse brusts in and says,"Excuse me,but that man you just treated walked out the door and collapsed on the front step.What shall I do?"
"Turn him around,"the doctor answered,"so it looks like he was walking in."
40.The Second Job
Many people hold down two jobs.So I wasn't surprised when my hairdresser mentioned to me that she also worked part-time at the race track."That is interesting,"I said."What do you do?"
As she finished styling my hair,she replied,"I groom horses."
41.Too Hard
"In my office,I just can't win!"lamented the psychiatrist's secretary."If I come to work early,I'm anxious,if I'm on time,I'm compulsive.if I'm late,I'm hostile..."
42.Why Don't You Try Two Plus Two
"I find that the key beating the number 4 doesn't work,"I told my husband when I was trying to use my telephone.
"Why don't you try two plus two?"my 5 years old son said.
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